So another week has gone by and our lives are returning to "normal" which I have come to realize that "normal" will never be the same again! Lukas went back to school and my mom made it through the day watching 3 kids instead of just 1 (hooray, mom!) Phil and I tried to go on our first date since adding two children to the chaos. (aka: the Lohrer family) and it went okay. Just okay because Kathryn cried for 15 minutes after we left, threw a doll at Evalin and had some other inappropriate behaviors, which I will not write about.
Overall, the adjustment of going from 2 to 4 kids has been easier and so much better than I ever dreamed. And for the most part, the adjustment of all the kids has been way better than I would have imagined. Evalin and Kathryn don't feel a lot of love for each other yet. I say "yet" because I KNOW that they are going to be very close some day. I just hope for the sake of Phil and my sanity, that day is sooner rather than later! Lukas has been an amazing big brother. I learn how to be like Jesus by watching him! And Evalin has had a hard time with the adjustment, but really considering that her whole world changed, she is doing remarkably well. Isaac was a handful in Africa and we thought we were in for a wild ride with him, but he has been amazingly good since coming home and for the most part, he is obedient and really fun to be with. Kathryn loves Lukas, loves to go anywhere in the car and loves clothes!!! Getting to know someone who has 4 1/2 years of memories, pre-conceived ideas and habits has been a little challenging, but we are making HUGE strides very quickly (thanks be to God and His ability to make ALL things good).
The hardest part of this whole experience has been dealing with myself. I will be painfully honest and I am not going to sugar-coat or make things sound better than they are: I thought that I would love all 4 kids the same amount, pretty much right away and I don't. I feel guilty about that. I wish that I was not so human. But, feeling guilty has really only made me a worse mom, so after talking it through with my amazing and supportive guy, I realized that I needed to give myself some time. Time to adjust, time to get to know my 2 new ones, time to take in and process all that has happened, and time to fall in love with them, which, again, I KNOW will happen. Again, I just hope that it will be sooner than later.
I am still trying to figure out our "high tech" digital video camera and as soon I can, I will post some videos. (how a radio works still baffles me, so you can imagine how stressed I am about the digital video recorder!)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I can't remember how I found your blog- maybe through Steppin' Heavanward or the Kissack Chronicles.
I just wanted to let you know I've been reading since you were in Africa and it's so neat to "see" you home with your children now.
I appreciate your honesty about the difficulties of bringing home adopted children. We don't have adopted children but my dh is adopted and I would love to adopt someday if dh is willing to so. Keep up the good work- I know it must be incredibly difficult and joyous all at the same time!
-Kelly at Three Little Jewells
(www.homeschoolblogger.com/kjfairch)
Thanks for your honesty.
It will be the same once you get to know your new children. I am sure that you feel great love for them and feel that protective "mommy" feeling, but loving all your children the same will come in due time. Not only will you feel the same love for your adoptive children but it will go beyond them, you will feel love for the biological parents too. I must say from experience, it's pretty amazing! Don't feel guilty please! Praying for a continued good transition.
Blessings,
Sarah
I really appreciate your integrity in speaking truth and have enjoyed getting to know you and your dh through your candid thoughts on your blog. It really is a treat to follow your journey.
Thanks and keep up the honest and brave blogging because I really think it could offer hope, encouragement and a life-ring of sorts to those that may struggle with some of these things themselves, but don't dare articulate them.
Thanks for keeping us posted on how things are going and thanks for being real! I was just reading another blog about Post Adoption Depression; I suspect that you already know or at least 'know of' this person/blog but just in case here it is.
http://growingto7.blogspot.com/
You may want to check it out.
Blessings
Deborah
Hello! I found your blog through Steppin' Heavenward. I have so enjoyed reading about your adoption journey. We adopted a 1 yr old little munchkin from Russia 3 years ago. I HAD to comment on your post because I felt the exact same way when we first brought our little one home. I knew that she was our child, chosen by God, and I was so excited to add her to our family. I really did want to feel "in love with her" but I just didn't at first. She was a stranger to me and my emotions were topsy-turvy. She cried, alot! She demanded to held, alot! She was very, very difficult and my two bio boys struggled to adjust to such a demanding baby and the loss of their mommy (who was overwhelmed even though it wasn't her first baby!).
I clung to the Lord during this time. I prayed continually that He would fill me with His love for her because my feelings were not trustworthy. I absolutely knew she was meant to be with our family but it was a bumpy transition. It was a very hard and lonely time because most folks wanted to hear how wonderful it was going, not how I was struggling (I found out later that my feelings were very common for moms with newly adopted children). I cared for her and loved her as my own with strength from the Lord and gradually, my heart grew to knew her and fall deeply in love with her. It took us about 6 mos to really gel as a family. Now, she has completely won my heart and the boys love her as well (most days! ;-)
So, please be encouraged. This time will soon pass. Stay close to the Lord--He is so faithful!
In Christ,
Laurie
P.S. It did help for my husband to take our new little one out in the evenings for a drive so I could give some extra TLC to the confused older brothers. Helped smooth the jealous feelings....
Amanda,
I had left you some messages, or at least I thought that I had, but I don't see them posted. I must have errored! I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family, during all of these grand adjustments. God will give you grace during this time; hang in there! Also, what a testimony you and Phil are...thank you for sharing your lives with so many.
Love,
Tanna
Post a Comment